RHODES BROS APPRECIATION DAY!!

 

So my midterms are this week,

Basically I have an exam on Biochemistry, for the whole Nucleic acids part, on Tuesday

I have a written exam on Tuesday and an oral exam on Wednesday for my French class

I also have a major paper for my lab, on Friday, and a written exam on the same subject the day after…

so of course, because I’m a strong independent, and responsible student

I am doing what every other student is doing

yep.

Watch Youtube. Procrastinate.

😛

Anyways, can we I just say, thank you Lord

for giving us Aaron and Austin Rhodes<3

we really appreciate it

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So I am a little bit obsessed with Tori Kelly for quite some time now ( i mean who would not be, her songs are amazing), and I think I would just like to dedicate this time on one of her song that has been perhaps going none stop on my playlist this week~ i just like the song so much ❤ ❤ , so

On my Adventures as an Introvert in College

……………Since I was in high school, I always celebrate the end of a school year, or a semester, by watching a movie by myself.

.

……………Last Thursday, I watch this new Pirates of the Caribbean and Wonder Woman movie on cinema. However, when I was buying my ticket, the cashier said,

.

“Ticket for only one, sir? Wala po kayong kasama? (you don’t have a companion?)”

.

……………Before going full bitch/ rage/ triggered mode on her, I managed to restrain myself knowing she was only merely speaking the two voices inside her head: one being the voice of a social construct that says it is shameful for a person to be seen alone in public, especially when watching a movie; and the other one, the voice of capitalism speaking using her manager’s voice that said oh you should have brought someone with you, didn’t you know, the more the merrie— the bigger the money that would be seized by the 1% ruling class from the working class therefore further substantially widening the gap separating the rich and the poor in our country. 😛

.

……………But of course, because I am a civilized educated citizen (jk 😛 hahaha), and I totally understand her situation, I merely said “yes, please.”

.

……………Of course, she still gave me that odd look, which I merely shrugged off. I know what she was thinking, and no. I am not a loner, I am merely an introvert.

.

……………Perhaps a lot of people who know or knew me probably raised their eyebrows upon reading the title of this post. You read that right, people: I am actually an introvert– it is actually a new discovery for myself, as well and yes, I also do not really believe it at first.

.

……………This discovery actually only happened this semester. I only recently shifted out of my old program this is why I have to take extra class for the semester ending me up on a very different schedule than the rest of my batch. This resulted to me, being alone by myself, practically since this school year started. Though yes, I have those times where I was bored and lonely, and wishing I have someone to talk to and stuff; most of the time, however, I was simply enjoying the company of myself for the time being. For one, I have total control of my time. I could totally stalk this cute guy that I happened to notice to always eat lunch on the Math building the same time as I do, and would also frequently proceed to the College of Science Library afterwards. So yeah, most of the time, I was studying slash stalking this new crush of mine, and it was a hella fun. Another thing, to further entertain myself, when I was walking from building to building to my next class… ok, I am in college and there are tons of people here, some of them happened to be quite, not really, my type– and so I also made up this game inside my head which I called Ibubuka ko ba? (Would I spread my legs?), which of course by using your vivid imagination, you have already probably understand what it is all about. And yeah, I have tons of those moments which got my giggling and perhaps laughing, by myself, and no I am not crazy, people, stop judging. See, the point is, it was not really lonely being alone by yourself. And at this point, it all made sense to me that I am actually introverted all along. And to admit, though I may have lot of friends, I just never really liked being around too many people that much. Trust me, I don’t. As a confession, I never really liked being with too many people (with the exception of my closest friends from high school, ehem, BK), I simply have a lot of will power to withstand other people before that is why I appear to be social, especially when I was doing it to be with my ex-crush. Yep, that happened.

.

……………As a biology major, and disregarding those organism that undergo asexual reproduction which creates biological copies or clones of themselves, I am not really aware of any organism out there capable of living all by themselves. This actually got me thinking,

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Are there advantages among introverts that allows them to thrive, and/or that perhaps offers them better survivability, or selective advantage, over their counterparts? 

.

……………And this ambiguity, of how such seemingly disadvantage–being introvert is–perhaps, is the reason why a lot of us have form so many misconception regarding introversion that listing them all down here would most probably be physically impossible. .

.

……………One misconception about being an introvert is that people think that introverts are loners, which is a big NO! For example I have this friend Alison whom I met in my Physics class because she was always asking for a piece of paper (:P) which I happen to have a lot of. Honestly, and most likely, perhaps if I were with my blockmates, I would not never even be talking with her, but no. Throughout the semester I actually grew close to her, and in fact we eat lunch once as she is a very nice and kind woman. I also have this friend from Math, who was also my classmate the previous semester but we never really talk then because she was with her friends then, but now we actually kind of know each other, we even compare answers on some exercises in class.

.

……………Another things is, people tend to think that introverts are overall dismissive people. Again, a big NO! Though I am quite positive that most introverts really does not have a lot of friends to begin with, that however does not mean that introverts are dismissive and anti-social. NO! Hahaha, no. Actually being an introvert actually help me be more connected with other people in some way. To say the least, it is more of a quality versus quantity thing. Because as I said, introverts tend to have fewer people around them, however because of this they would instead have more time and more space in their head to actually process and feel those few people around them. Simply put it this way, imagine a responsible mother who has two children. Now imagine that same mother having twenty children instead of two. Between the two scenarios, whose children do you think receives the higher amount of love and parental care per child? This analogy is actually a useful instrument in setting the example on understanding how having more friends equate on each person-to-person relationship between friends. Being an introvert, I am proud to say that though I only have like twenty, twenty-one, or twenty-two people whom I can really call my friends, I actually quite am still connected to each and everyone of them. For example my bestfriend Niks, or Glynizz, or Asuna (yes, we both go by a lot of names. hey, if you are reading this, be proud. i deserve a frappe.), though we have not seen each other for a year and a half now, we still catch up with each other like at least a month on chat. Recently I showed her a picture of my crush, she said he is cute and then I am like, “bitch, mine.”

.

……………To say the least, I am already in my third year in college but I still do not have an org! Though at the end of the day perhaps the reason why that is the case is because… I simply love being alone. I do not want to mingle with other people just because an organization bound me to do so. I mean being in an organization encapsulates you on a social bubble with around 40 or 50 people, and I mean who would have the time to deal with those lots of people? I prefer to use that time instead alone, perhaps to sleep, or read a book, or casually just enjoy life my own way instead. 🙂 Also, being in an organization, so I learned, means you have to adjust yourself to multitude of people. For me, that is like, no. No way. If losing a piece of me is what is required to be with you guys, to be with your organization… sorry, I would love to rather be alone and watch Netflix.

.

……………Anyways, I have to wrap this up now, I kind of need to do something (that I should have done two weeks ago). Perhaps what I just want to say at this point is that, that person you see on a coffee shop by himself, or that person you see walking alone by himself on the hallway, or that person buying tickets to watch movies alone most probably just want to enjoy life by themselves, and yes, that means you can keep your opinion to yourself if you want to say something, otherwise. Perhaps, for a recommendation, or a friendly tip, instead of looking at them with that odd look, why not sit across them on the coffee shop, drink and read a book with them instead. Get to know them. Who knows, introverts are very special people, and not to mention, incredibly interesting people.

.

Love lots,  😉

x

~~~

a/n: i am sorry, i wrote a lot of stuff, again, much more that what  i intend to do, initially. but, oh wells.

Learning to Love One’s Self: A confession to Myself

……………So that hell of a semester just ended and here I have convinced myself to write something about it. Actually not just something, perhaps a little piece of everything. Yeah. I wanted to write something to tell it all, confidently beautiful and proud. To say the least,  I haven’t really been… myself, per say, these past months. A lot of things just happened and frankly, my life had been a mess. Actually calling it a mess would be a giant understatement, and believe me, it is not the best experience.

……………To start it all, ok. Lately, I had been lying to everyone, and even to myself a lot. Because sometimes it is easier to live on a lie than to accept some facts… and move on. And that was exactly what happened.

……………Frankly, I think I was just lose the whole time and it took me months to be able to realize a lot of things and to finally accept what I had been feeling all these times.

Ok, so here goes…


……………So there was this guy, ok, and, he was so different, he was weird in a very attractive way.  Everything he does just captivate me all the time, even when he was angry at me I still find him attractive in that sad kind of obsess way, and he was so cute and his was everything I would have wished for in my life… of course I that time, and sadly I thought we had a connection (haha). As much as I would want to let all those feelings out, haha, it is still hard for me to do because if I were to write everything about how I felt about that person, it would be an essay. To be honest, I did write it down, and it actually went up to full 17-pages A4 ‘confession?’ letter. Yeah, that happened… And of course, like everything, and everyone: that person left, in the most cliche way that even saying it is cliche is cliche (if you just said “what”… same).


So here I am, I told you that I’m so confident… Eto, ahhmm, wait…. Hahahaha.


……………Yep, that happened. This person, me, who was left behind, was so… so… so sad. Wow, such narration. I was so lonely I wanna kill myself, but I did not because I am too beautiful to die. Just kidding, I was never suicidal, per say, just that I want to emphasize that I was so upset and messed up crazy that the whole sem became a giant shit, like-when-you-step-on-a-banana-peel-and-you-slip-and-you-landed face-first-on-a-giant-smelly-shit bad.


……………Everything I had said so far began before the semester started, and that is why when the semester started though I tried to be, with a tear on my eye, positive about it, first things first, it hit me so hard like a giant fist, against my– nope– eyes. To start, I was not able to get this one class and so to accommodate with that situation, I had to cancel all my other six class just to be able to get the same class with a different schedule, and it was so frustrating because I have to run from building to building and beg a lot of people just to give me those class that I need, and I looked like an idiot begging for the education that is  not my privilege but my right, people; education is my right; and it is not exactly the best way to start a semester, not to mention I was brokenhearted.


……………And so the semester preceded as usual– shit. Aside from the fact that I was not in my best shape, mentally and emotionally, I also could not find the aspiration to start studying all that information I need to get inside my head and , woah, on retrospect thank God it’ was over, and if you are wondering, my grades sucks. It was, without doubt, the hardest semester yet since I started college. And my God, probably if I was in my best shape, things would be different. Pro-tip, never get a Monday class if you can.


……………The semester started and ended as usual, me, alone, and boring, exactly just like this post. But perhaps if there is anything worth telling about all of those stuff, it seemed like I actually quite learned a lot after all.


……………First thing, acceptance, because that was what these last months were all about. Acceptance is me admitting that, yes I fell in love, and yes my heart got broken and all that stuff. But you know what, that is just the way life is. You got to try, and sometimes you are going to fall, and you will fail. But so what? The thing is if you stop on your track just because of that, you are going to get nowhere, gurl. You are going to be stuck in the moment, just trying to relieve everything over and over and over and over and over and over again, going all over on the where-the-fuck-have-i-gone-wrong to those was-i-merely-imagining-all-those-stuff-i-thought-we-had-a-connection-bruh-what-happened moments. What I was doing was trying to forget I even loved him and it is hard. ~Forgetting him is like trying to know somebody you never met. But you know what, the reason I find doing all those forgetting about him stuff hard is because I did not accept the fact that I am just a human being capable of doing wrong and being mistaken sometimes. And the thing is, I don’t know, I just don’t hate him anymore as much as I do these past months because of that.


……………Second thing I learn is that sometimes you don’t need to be with somebody to be happy. If you know me, you know that I always surround myself with people. However this past months, and because of my eccentric schedule, I was not able to have regular people to surround myself with, I was all by myself. At first, of course, I was scared and bored, per say. I was anxious the people would look at me walking alone in the streets and they would whisper to themselves and laugh. But actually, little by little, I actually grew to love being alone. My god, being alone is fantastic because I no longer have to deal with the adjusting myself and my time and everything for anyone, besides who the heck cares about other people’s opinion. I can make my own decision and eat whatever I want wherever I want without needing to ask for consensus regarding any single thing first. And so I find it so fine, in fact I actually I have just watch Pirates of the Caribbean and Wonder Woman alone, yesterday. I find the joy in being alone and I just realized how much of an introvert person I am all these time, and yeah. Those moments of being alone sure do a lot on contemplating yourself and discovering who you are, who you really are behind everything, and to sum it all: it was terrific.


……………Lastly, and perhaps what I really want to emphasize at this point is that you do not owe your happiness to anyone. You deserve to be happy, and you are worthy of being happy.  There is absolutely nothing wrong with who you are, and that sometimes things just does not always go the way we want them to be.


……………So after having to organized my thoughts using all the time that I have and having to go through all through that stuff in life and stressing about it a lot, and trust me when I said a lot– I really mean a LOT, you know what I learn is that I will not change a thing. Yeah, I will just go with what I am now, with who am I am right now and continue being me. Because this self, this is more than a facade or a mask I wear to impress anyone, or pretend to be anything that is not me. This face, as I have realize, is me, and that whether I like it or not, this is the me– the real me, and you know what, I actually love who I am. I really do. After all these times, I realized that nothing is wrong who I am. As I have said, sometimes things just does not go the way we want them to be, and there is absolutely nothing wrong about it. It is okay to fall sometimes, it is okay to fail sometimes, what is not okay, however, is not to learn anything from these mistakes. I have learned that hope is stronger than fear, and that if I will stop loving and being happy just because I did not make it at first then I will be forever stuck in that limbo of nowhere and nowhere else to go, never knowing who am I, who the real me is. And the real me says,


I loved him, but I love myself more.

After looking inwards, I find out what I needed to do with my life is to dive and take that leap of faith. In order to live, we must always keep daring. Dive.

Love lots 🙂

x

~~~

-a/n: if you watch supergirl, some of the last sentences were inspired by Cat Grant xoxo~

-a/n: oh yeah, i forgot to mention… these things were actually events that happened months ago, just too lazy to actually wrote it down that is why it is so late. yeah, those creeping feelings were already gone ahahaha, hm. regarding my latest extravaganza, i guess i’ll have to post a separate post about it later in life hahaha, (i was laughing so hard i almost pour coffee on my keyboard). so yeah

 

 

 

 

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THAT MOMENT NA NAKAHIGA NA KO

NAKAPIKIT NAKO’T LAHAT

THEN BIGLA KONG NA REALIZE NA MALI YUNG SAGOT KO SA EXAM

TEST II

NUMBER 1 & NUMBER 2

PUTA KUPAL

TANGINA

BULLSHIT

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TANGINA TALAGA

SHET

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Pwede bang paki hataw ako ng timba sa mukha ngayon

help me e’m fellen’ neh neh

neh te feelengs

acads is lyp

neh

mygod

i know it’s been like two years or a year and a half

but seriously seriously

i mean seriously

seriously self, i mean seriously

no

totoo ka ba tigilan mo yan

naiinis ako sayo

mag fa-fall ka na naman

mababaliw ka nanaman

ghad

no

siya na ba si chapter four

charot

daming alam

anu to autobiography

nangongolekta

taylor swift ang peg

chapter four?

anu to diary of anne frank

gaga ka

anu to holocaust?

kasi patay na patay ka nanaman

my god gaga ka talaga

mamshie tigilan mo yan hahatawin kita ng cabinet

Brrrrrr

does a rotating frame of reference exists? does a frame of reference, x, exists such that a rotating object, say– the earth, would appear to be not spinning relative to x, that frame of reference. help me

Throwback Monday

Ok, since nakahiga ako at hindi rin naman ako makatulog

Nakahiga ako, iinisip ko tong mga to, di ako makamove-on

Naalala ko lang tong mga to, type ko na lang

Baka may makabasa

Ok

So once upon a time

May grupo nang magkakaibigan na walang kamuang-muang sa Mundo

Naglalaro sila ng tagu-taguan, in fact paborito ko yon

Yung ice-ice water

Langgit-lupa

Yung aakyat sa poste sa harap nila Blondie

Tapus punyemas, ayaw bumaba

Bibilangan na tapus wala raw sa rules yon and everything

Nakakastress

Tapus basta tagu-taguan, bang-sak?

Ewan ko ba

Yung mga simpleng larong bata na magsisimula ng 5:00 PM

Tapus parang ang bilis ng oras, mamamalayan mo na lang 11:00 PM na

Na nung mga panahong yon ay sobrang gabi na

Ang bilis ng oras, lalo na nung wala ka pang pake

Grade 3? Grade 4? Grade 5?

Dati pa nga naglalaro laro lang dyan sa kaymituhan

Tama ba yung pagkakaspell ko

Tanda ko pa nung mga panahong hindi pa tinatayo yung tower ng sun

Tapus purong dayamihan pa lang yon

Ang sarap pagtaguan pero ang sketchy rin

Ang layo-layo nang nararating natin pag naglalaro tayo ng tagu-taguan

Mga dalawang oras magtatago, pag balik ayawan na pala

Nung mga panahong tuwing umuulan nagsisilabasan tayo

Walang pakialam

Naka paa lang, shorts, at sando rak na

Saan na ba napunta yung mga panahong to

Saan na ba napunta ang mga bata sa San Juan

Unang-una at ang pinakamatalik kong kaibigan

Na kasama kong nanonood ng mga anime sa bahay nila dahil laging wala yung nanay at kuya niya

Si Balandoy, nakalimutan ko na yung totoo niyang pangalan i crie

Basta alam ko nasa Canada na siya

Ang sakit non, nung sinabi niya aalis na raw sila

Grade 3 ako, hindi ko magets pero ang natatandaan ko nalungkot ako non

Nasa labas ako ng bahay nila non nung pumasok siya sa Van na ihahatid siya papuntang NAIA

Tinitignan ko lang yung kaibigan ko, na hindi ko alam pang huling beses ko na pala makikita

AYUN

ANDREW hahaha

(search ko sa Facebook)

My God, hindi nag bago yung mukha niya hahaha

(This is my looking at his picture 11 years after the last time I saw him hahaha)

So ayon

Hahaha

Context, I think bestfriend ko siya, per say, in retrospect kasi di ko pa alam yung term na yon noon

Basta yon hahaha

Si Andrew, o ang tawag ko Balandoy (ewan ko kung bakit) ay mula sa broken family

Tanda ko pa noon 7:00 am, isang sabado, nagpapasama siya sa kabilang barangay para puntahan yung tatay niya

Sobrang weird yung konsepto na yon sakin

Bakit di nyo kasama sa bahay niyo yung tatay mo?

Tapus ayon hahaha

Basta

So umalis na nga siya

I remember a few days after he left,

Nag-aabang pa rin ako sa tapat ng bahay nila

Nakikita ko yung kuya niya  (grade 3 nito, 8 years old)

Tinitignan ako ng kuya niya na ngayon ko lang naintindihan yung titig

Wala na, umalis na

Ako, syempre wala, tingin lang, di ko alam ko

So ayon

Yung una kong bestfriend, iniwan ako

Tapus ito na,

Isang-isa na sa pinaka malalapit kong kaibigan ok

So si Andrew, si Tomtom, si Ronron, si Joshua, si Joco, at si Jayson muna

Ok, umalis na si Andrew,

So si Tomtom, na kapatid ni Ronron,

I think

And on retrospect, ay I think my first crush na di ko pa alam na crush ko pala

Context ulit, grade 3 ako

So

Ayon, well I think ito yung first “crush” ko basta ang weird no kasi nagkaron lang ako ng legit na crush nung 1st year high school pa ako, so 4 years

And well, like all others, umalis din itong si Tomtom at si Ronron huhu

Ang bilis pa naman tumakbo ni Ronron, siya yung fastest runner namin

Pero talaga dati one time, sobrang na triggered ako

As in, ako kasi yung taya tapus nabuburot na ko

Tapus hinahabol ko sila, tapus alam mo ba yon?

Parang nag nitro yung paa ko

Zone kung sa kuroko no baske

Parang nag slow-mo lahat tapus parang sobrang bilis ko tumakbo

And yeah, na taya ko silang lahat hahaha

So nice

So ayon, umalis na si Ronron, si Tomtom, at si Andrew

Well, andyan pa si Joshua, pero awkward kami

Ewan parang yung current situation namin ni **** basta ayon

Tapos si Joco, well andyan pa rin si Joco pero later na to

Si Jayson naman, well ewan pero bumalik sila ng Bicol, so

Ayon

Original, bilangin ko

Ako, si Balandoy, si Ronron, si Tomtom, Si Muteng, si Jayson, si Joco, si Abi, si Em-em, yung Pinsan niya, si Alana, si Sarrah, si Charles, at yung ibang hindi ko namatandaan yung pangalan

Ayon hahaha

So umalis yung mga matatalik kong kaibigan

Around Grade 4 to Grade 5 yon

Pero patuloy pa rin akong nakikipag laro

Hanggang Ewan

Grade 6

Parang nagiging mas madalang na

Hanggang nung nag high school na ako

As in totally wala na

Sobrang “busy” ko na sa acads non

Another group of people

Tapus parang nakalimutan ko na sila

Nakikita ko sila pag nauwi ako, pero

Ayon

Nasa tapat pa rin sila ng Chapel naglalaro, pero as the year goes

Mga second year ako ibang henerasyon na rin ng mga bata yung naandoon eh,

Wala na rin sila

Nakakalungkot lang hahaha

Parang ganto, bigla-bigla ko silang namimiss pero wala kaming connection

(nag send ako ng friend request kay Andrew tho)

Basta ayon hahaha

Namimiss ko sila, wala akong mapaglabasan ng emotion

Sorry na, hindi talaga ako marunong mag move-on


Random Points na di ko alam kung saan ko isisingit

  1. That time na nangaroling kami, my first and only time mangarolling
  2. That time na nagtagutaguan kami tapus sumali yung mga tambay doon, hahaha nakakatawa yung taya kasi nagulat siya, around 20+ yung biglang naglabasan hahaha
  3. That time nung mag papasko ata yon o a day before Christmas nasa tapat kami ng tindahan ni aling something
  4. That moment na nabalitaan ko nalang (highschool na ko nito) na si Aling something natagpuan nalang patay na kasi wala siyang kasama sa bahay, matagal na ata siyang patay, may bumibili lang tapus wala raw sumasagot, tapus ayon, nakita siya doon RIP
  5. That moment na nag pa-partner partner sa bente-uno ata yon tapus sabi ni Tomtom, si Jherico lang at si kung-sino-man ok na kami, tapus I felt so proud non hahaha 8 years old lande
  6. That time na akala namin may whitelady sa taas ng chapel, Nov 1 to
  7. That time na umuulan tapus naglalaro kami ng habulhabulan ata or something, tatlong oras na tapus yung ulan, natuyo na yung damit ko nasa labas parin ako, nakikipaglaro hahaha
  8. That time na dati sa gilid ng court may metal thingy doon na malaki, tapus umaakyat kami doon tuwing may party para manood hahaha
  9. Insert Tom Sawyer here 🙂
  10. That time na nanood kami ng Narnia hahaha, ako daw si Susan hahaha
  11. That time na naglaro kami ng Tagu-taguan at nakarating kami sa San Isidro, San Miguel, sa Kaymituhan atbp, pagbalik namin ayawan na 😥
  12. That grade 6 moment na nag wa-waveboard ako all day hahaha
  13. Btw, natuto ako mag waveboard within 20 minutes from scratch, sobrang amaze ate ko 😛
  14. Ayoko na hahaha mag-aaral  pa ako ng Physics 😛 Next time na lang

a/n: tuwing na ririnig ko yung kanta ng Secondhand Serenade or Red Jumpsuit Apparatus,etc, naaalala ko to lahat 😥 inassociate ko yung mga kantang to sa taon na to sa mga taong to~~ bruh minsan hindi rin maganda yung sharp yung memory mo i crie