I am that person.

First of all, this is the pov of nobody in particular. not me, not him, not her, not nobody. Perhaps this is fiction. Yeah, this is just a fabrication of my mind and NOTHING HERE IS TRUE.

Sorry for any typo beforehand and for any lack of words. Le me writing this 1:30 AM here at Ecyoj’s house.

Have you ever felt all of that sand slipping along the edges of your fingers?  All of those chances, well not the chances as in CHANCES… but are the chances I desperately call chances. Those are the actions, or moments, that even though subtle, still have the capability to make the human heart beat three to four times faster.sand-through-fingers

Striking rays of blues and greens, as well as of reds, were hitting my face. But I don’t care, for all I care during that moment were happiness and fulfillment; happiness in euphoria and fulfillment in that person.

I consider myself as a talkative person, though my teachers and friends say that I am far more than that. But, when it comes to things like romance or having to talk to that person, I am suddenly an introvert. I am that person.

As a youth, I’ve done many crazy stuff. Things such as unnecessary sexy dancing, indirect licking of my friends cheek, and tease dancing the laugh out of my audiences. Yep, I’m a bit insane with a little bit nuts. But when it comes to romance or being even a meter or two near that person, I can’t suddenly move or do anything. I am that person.

I may have been the center of teasing in the past. I’ve always roll of eyes on my friends every time they told me about something regarding their special someone and their mutual understanding. But it does gets to me whenever I heard someone has done things like… those things, private things, that should have only be performed on the four corners of an exclusive room in the right place at the right time with the blessing of marriage. She even called me pabebe for this, even though we share the same view. I am only willing to commit myself to the slightest, of giving my first kiss, only and only on the day of my wedding. I may have done silly things, but I am really a conservative person, I am that person.

So the music starts to play. Slow dancing everywhere. I was dancing with this friend of mine. I looked to my right and see that person with, erm, my bae (best). Suddenly my blood ran cold and fangs of jealousy entered my veins.

So tell me where do I start. I look at my partner. She has also noticed. I smile at her direction as to reassure her that everything is fine. Though it’s not.

Don’t  wanna let her go. I leaned my forehead on her shoulder, even though she is way smaller than me. Maybe my love will come back some day. I sang along the lyrics of the song. At this point, I have already closed eyes. Only heaven knows. I am still singing the song as she sang along.

And maybe our hearts will find their way. But  maybe it was because of the stress and pressure at that moment. And all I can do is hope and pray. The song was nearing it’s end. Only heaven knows. So is my voice.

My voice cracked on that last stanza and the first drops finally fell. I didn’t look at her as I excused myself and ran to the CR.

I entered a stall and settled my head against the back of the now closed door. By this time, the feelings that I’ve been unconsciously holding came crashing down and were evident through the moist curve lines of my face.

Perhaps this is my most vulnerable side that I am so afraid to show. I am scare to show just how vulnerable I am and so I’ve built a barrier around myself. I am not tough, not vigorous as a stone; I am but another human. I, too, have this so called feelings. This is me, I am that person.

But why should I feel this emotions to the wrong person?

Sometimes I asked God. Why am I like this and why can’t I just be someone more normal and alike from everyone else? Why should I be put in a situation when even approaching the person I adore is already wrong and is already enough for brows to raise in my direction?

I am lock in a situation where even doing anything is wrong and doing nothing hurts. 

After cleaning the stains out of my eyes, I returned to the lobby where everyone was still dancing. I inhaled a lot of air and exhaled the same amount. I was collecting myself and preparing myself in doing the craziest thing ever. I was going to ask that person for a dance.

I was going to approach when suddenly she asked everyone to take their seats and that the announcement for the King and Queen was going start. Sh*t.

Just when I’ve finally made up myself… So I asked God, I asked him for another song, another chance, another dance. Please.

But luck was not at my side that day because after that, the party was then put to a close. F*ck.

I’ve done nothing. I’ve let the one of a time opportunity to simple slipped of my hands. I felt defeated. I felt like a loser. Well, I am.

YES! that night was really, really a night to remember. A Night to Remember and to remind me of just how big of a loser I am.

I am that person. I am a big fvking loser.


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