Awkward Bathroom Confrontation in le Dormitory (ABCD)
We are human beings, right? And, human beings need to excrete digestive wastes, aka feces, correct? Foremost, before I begin, well, I want to thanks procrastination–as well as Stephen W. Hawking on writing his marvelous book, whose title I don’t even want to bother searching, for tomorrow we are required to submit an outline about its first chapter and on an astrological basis I am one-hundred percent, very, inspired to work with times by the reciprocal of natural logarithm raise to the power of the golden ratio after getting its sum with the diameter of the universe whose answer I don’t know–is also one of the reason why I chose to pursue a degree in English and not in Mathematics–is another total crap that I made of because my mind is so over the stars. Bruh. Thanks, Obama.
Anyways–the fact did I just wrote–anyways, take two, I believe we all have used a public restroom, for the quickest instance I could think of, and I believe that we have all undergo with the pressure of keeping our ‘activity’ as incognito as possible in spite of being embarrassed concurrently or afterwards. Yeah. I suck at this, why do I even major in creative writing again?
Anyways, take three, as I was saying, if you think using the public restroom is anywhere near hard or embarrassing, think again. I beg to differ with my so ‘profound’ knowledge, back with three-months of experience, I can say that you guys have never felt the real tragedy because those confrontations with strangers in public restrooms are but one in like forever; you’ll never meet those people again. You merely adopted the awkwardness; I was born in it, molded by it. Charot.
Inside our dorm, our restrooms contain five-stalls with toilet seats and five-stalls for showering purposes. For some reason, the architect of the building decides to put the sinks in front of the toilet stalls. So whatever ‘activity’ you’re doing inside is very much audible by the people doing god-knows-what in the sink.
So today, I happen to eat A LOT. These stuffs, I guess, got mix in a not-so-nice way inside my stomach. That’s why when I got the ‘feeling’ while making my paper, I quickly sprinted to the nearest bathroom just adjacent by our room. I pulled my shorts and underpants down in a flash and just decides to go with the heck out of it. Then, I heard voices. Shit. Literally. Just when I am having a fiery detonation, suddenly, people are around to hear just how great of a singer I am, minus the usage of my mouth, of course.
That is why even though I was having the time of life, sweating profusely, and asking God why, I was holding on for dear life; holding it inside, and keeping it from being unleash upon the mighty toilet bowl with erratic sonic booms. Gosh. But I couldn’t keep it in forever, the urge is just strong that I involuntary let some of it out along with like the loudest growl ever. Like the texture of a whipped cream, but with the sound of an airplane, they just came out and I couldn’t do anything about it. They were sliding out with such enthusiasm that I swear by then my face was as pale as that kid from The Grudge. I don’t think I will have the face to exit the stall after unleashing such thunderous ‘sounds’… and so like Hester Prnne… like Cersei Lannister, I took the run–rather–walk of shame into my room and I swear I will never go out of this effing room ever again, not even Nutella will change my mind, or what. I don’ know, I’m not sure, maybe? I don’t care anymore, I don’t know. I still have to write this paper. I don’t know. Bruh. Meowt.