Unspoken Things

For the longest time, people have used language in order to connect. But perhaps the most compelling language of all is the one language spoken without the use of words, and we actually quite good at doing it.

Sometimes it is easier to love without saying anything. Sometimes it is easier to express you are annoyed by something by not saying anything. Sometimes it is easier to say you hate something or someone without even saying you do. Sometimes you just scream that you are hurting by not saying anything.

It’s not passive aggressive to express yourself in ways that are non-verbal or with subtlety.

Sometimes not speaking is the best thing to say in a situation where you know you can never win and we do this often and sometimes even without realizing we are doing so.

Speaking using unspoken words are one of the strongest ways to connect inherently in a primal-like way of conveying how we feel. Sometimes we communicate with people silently and by that we understand that we do care, that we listen, and we simply connect just like that.

For me, my emotions have always been my weakness. Perhaps that is why I always try hard not to show mine, or at least always show a different side of what I am always feeling.

But sometimes no matter how hard I try to hide it, unspoken things slip out of my mouth and I unintentionally say that things I could never say using words and I… I am always afraid that the things I say will hurt the people I care about the most. And perhaps that is the reason why I always choose to stay at a distance to people, especially the ones I can’t afford to lose.

Strong Independent

I need a man I can depend on

The way ALL my group mates (on any class)

always depend on me to do 99.99% of the job

parang mga bacteria

mga walang hiya


I just wrote 3361-word scientific journal critique paper





it’s supposed to be by group, pero mga walang hiya

mamaya na yung deadline hanggang ngayon wala pa ring tinutulong

😥 i crie

Kung papapiliin ako between world peace or wala nang group work

Sorry UN, sorry Middle East, sorry John Lennon, sorry Buddha


On other news,

how to un-LSS from this song

This song just makes me feel so proud to be a woman

–and i’m a guy

look at that!


Suprise mothaf


So may Chem practicals ako today,

Basically stations siya, merong working stations kung saan may mga intructors

na papanoorin kang mag titrate, mag weight, mag load ng samples, etc

meron din mga written stations like ipaparationalize sayo yung procedures

Pero ang hindi nawawala sa mga practicals ay yung bonus station

Kung saan pinapakanta nila yung mga kinakabahang estudyante

Rumor has it na OPM daw yung ipapakanta nila~

So, ito naman ako

Walang ibang alam na OPM song,

So I decided I ABSENTMINDEDLY decided to play this song to practice sana

(actually i played the song with else in mind and i was like emerghgfef eh eh eh )

When suddenly my brain and my heart and my soul be like

BOOM N_______


And I’m like @_ @

What have I done

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Ay shet biglang kumawala lahat ng tinagong feelings and shit ko

What am i supposed to do with all these emotions

anu na po halp me

update: so ayun, yung kinanta ko sa pracs, dahil na pre-pressure ako, syempre, are Bakit Pa by Jessa Zaragoza and Sa Kanya ~ MYMP becaux~ napakacontrasting, iba talaga. On a lighter note, I got full points on that station hahaha (maraming hindi), iba po

Looking Back

So, I am actually typing this one with my eyes closed. Simply trying to let everything all out. SO, I recently saw pictures of past dormers going back to their respective rooms here in Kalay after so many years; and so I thought, years from now if that was me, how might  I feel coming back here, to this place- this dormitory that build me up, let me down, and the in-betweens. Actually, I recently got admitted once again for another school year here in this dormitory, which would be my third really. So, hm. I am planning to make a compilation post later, next year, perhaps, when I am finally moving out; but I just can’t stop thinking about how I might feel if that was actually me going back here, say, ten or fifteen years from now. Would the hallway still look the same, would this room still feel the same, or would all the memories that I buried at every corner of this place still exist,  or would they all just be buried and left forgotten at the back of my mind, like moi.

Yep, just food for my thought. E




So my midterms are this week,

Basically I have an exam on Biochemistry, for the whole Nucleic acids part, on Tuesday

I have a written exam on Tuesday and an oral exam on Wednesday for my French class

I also have a major paper for my lab, on Friday, and a written exam on the same subject the day after…

so of course, because I’m a strong independent, and responsible student

I am doing what every other student is doing


Watch Youtube. Procrastinate.


Anyways, can we I just say, thank you Lord

for giving us Aaron and Austin Rhodes<3

we really appreciate it

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Should’ve Been Untitled

So I am a little bit obsessed with Tori Kelly for quite some time now ( i mean who would not be, her songs are amazing), and I think I would just like to dedicate this time on one of her song that has been perhaps going none stop on my playlist this week~ i just like the song so much ❤ ❤ , so

On my Adventures as an Introvert in College

……………Since I was in high school, I always celebrate the end of a school year, or a semester, by watching a movie by myself.


……………Last Thursday, I watch this new Pirates of the Caribbean and Wonder Woman movie on cinema. However, when I was buying my ticket, the cashier said,


“Ticket for only one, sir? Wala po kayong kasama? (you don’t have a companion?)”


……………Before going full bitch/ rage/ triggered mode on her, I managed to restrain myself knowing she was only merely speaking the two voices inside her head: one being the voice of a social construct that says it is shameful for a person to be seen alone in public, especially when watching a movie; and the other one, the voice of capitalism speaking using her manager’s voice that said oh you should have brought someone with you, didn’t you know, the more the merrie— the bigger the money that would be seized by the 1% ruling class from the working class therefore further substantially widening the gap separating the rich and the poor in our country. 😛


……………But of course, because I am a civilized educated citizen (jk 😛 hahaha), and I totally understand her situation, I merely said “yes, please.”


……………Of course, she still gave me that odd look, which I merely shrugged off. I know what she was thinking, and no. I am not a loner, I am merely an introvert.


……………Perhaps a lot of people who know or knew me probably raised their eyebrows upon reading the title of this post. You read that right, people: I am actually an introvert– it is actually a new discovery for myself, as well and yes, I also do not really believe it at first.


……………This discovery actually only happened this semester. I only recently shifted out of my old program this is why I have to take extra class for the semester ending me up on a very different schedule than the rest of my batch. This resulted to me, being alone by myself, practically since this school year started. Though yes, I have those times where I was bored and lonely, and wishing I have someone to talk to and stuff; most of the time, however, I was simply enjoying the company of myself for the time being. For one, I have total control of my time. I could totally stalk this cute guy that I happened to notice to always eat lunch on the Math building the same time as I do, and would also frequently proceed to the College of Science Library afterwards. So yeah, most of the time, I was studying slash stalking this new crush of mine, and it was a hella fun. Another thing, to further entertain myself, when I was walking from building to building to my next class… ok, I am in college and there are tons of people here, some of them happened to be quite, not really, my type– and so I also made up this game inside my head which I called Ibubuka ko ba? (Would I spread my legs?), which of course by using your vivid imagination, you have already probably understand what it is all about. And yeah, I have tons of those moments which got my giggling and perhaps laughing, by myself, and no I am not crazy, people, stop judging. See, the point is, it was not really lonely being alone by yourself. And at this point, it all made sense to me that I am actually introverted all along. And to admit, though I may have lot of friends, I just never really liked being around too many people that much. Trust me, I don’t. As a confession, I never really liked being with too many people (with the exception of my closest friends from high school, ehem, BK), I simply have a lot of will power to withstand other people before that is why I appear to be social, especially when I was doing it to be with my ex-crush. Yep, that happened.


……………As a biology major, and disregarding those organism that undergo asexual reproduction which creates biological copies or clones of themselves, I am not really aware of any organism out there capable of living all by themselves. This actually got me thinking,


Are there advantages among introverts that allows them to thrive, and/or that perhaps offers them better survivability, or selective advantage, over their counterparts? 


……………And this ambiguity, of how such seemingly disadvantage–being introvert is–perhaps, is the reason why a lot of us have form so many misconception regarding introversion that listing them all down here would most probably be physically impossible. .


……………One misconception about being an introvert is that people think that introverts are loners, which is a big NO! For example I have this friend Alison whom I met in my Physics class because she was always asking for a piece of paper (:P) which I happen to have a lot of. Honestly, and most likely, perhaps if I were with my blockmates, I would not never even be talking with her, but no. Throughout the semester I actually grew close to her, and in fact we eat lunch once as she is a very nice and kind woman. I also have this friend from Math, who was also my classmate the previous semester but we never really talk then because she was with her friends then, but now we actually kind of know each other, we even compare answers on some exercises in class.


……………Another things is, people tend to think that introverts are overall dismissive people. Again, a big NO! Though I am quite positive that most introverts really does not have a lot of friends to begin with, that however does not mean that introverts are dismissive and anti-social. NO! Hahaha, no. Actually being an introvert actually help me be more connected with other people in some way. To say the least, it is more of a quality versus quantity thing. Because as I said, introverts tend to have fewer people around them, however because of this they would instead have more time and more space in their head to actually process and feel those few people around them. Simply put it this way, imagine a responsible mother who has two children. Now imagine that same mother having twenty children instead of two. Between the two scenarios, whose children do you think receives the higher amount of love and parental care per child? This analogy is actually a useful instrument in setting the example on understanding how having more friends equate on each person-to-person relationship between friends. Being an introvert, I am proud to say that though I only have like twenty, twenty-one, or twenty-two people whom I can really call my friends, I actually quite am still connected to each and everyone of them. For example my bestfriend Niks, or Glynizz, or Asuna (yes, we both go by a lot of names. hey, if you are reading this, be proud. i deserve a frappe.), though we have not seen each other for a year and a half now, we still catch up with each other like at least a month on chat. Recently I showed her a picture of my crush, she said he is cute and then I am like, “bitch, mine.”


……………To say the least, I am already in my third year in college but I still do not have an org! Though at the end of the day perhaps the reason why that is the case is because… I simply love being alone. I do not want to mingle with other people just because an organization bound me to do so. I mean being in an organization encapsulates you on a social bubble with around 40 or 50 people, and I mean who would have the time to deal with those lots of people? I prefer to use that time instead alone, perhaps to sleep, or read a book, or casually just enjoy life my own way instead. 🙂 Also, being in an organization, so I learned, means you have to adjust yourself to multitude of people. For me, that is like, no. No way. If losing a piece of me is what is required to be with you guys, to be with your organization… sorry, I would love to rather be alone and watch Netflix.


……………Anyways, I have to wrap this up now, I kind of need to do something (that I should have done two weeks ago). Perhaps what I just want to say at this point is that, that person you see on a coffee shop by himself, or that person you see walking alone by himself on the hallway, or that person buying tickets to watch movies alone most probably just want to enjoy life by themselves, and yes, that means you can keep your opinion to yourself if you want to say something, otherwise. Perhaps, for a recommendation, or a friendly tip, instead of looking at them with that odd look, why not sit across them on the coffee shop, drink and read a book with them instead. Get to know them. Who knows, introverts are very special people, and not to mention, incredibly interesting people.


Love lots,  😉



a/n: i am sorry, i wrote a lot of stuff, again, much more that what  i intend to do, initially. but, oh wells.

Learning to Love One’s Self: A confession to Myself

……………So that hell of a semester just ended and here I have convinced myself to write something about it. Actually not just something, perhaps a little piece of everything. Yeah. I wanted to write something to tell it all, confidently beautiful and proud. To say the least,  I haven’t really been… myself, per say, these past months. A lot of things just happened and frankly, my life had been a mess. Actually calling it a mess would be a giant understatement, and believe me, it is not the best experience.

……………To start it all, ok. Lately, I had been lying to everyone, and even to myself a lot. Because sometimes it is easier to live on a lie than to accept some facts… and move on. And that was exactly what happened.

……………Frankly, I think I was just lose [< lost. this is why you should proofread before publishing people. proofreading matters -_- ] the whole time and it took me months to be able to realize a lot of things and to finally accept what I had been feeling all these times.

Ok, so here goes…

……………So there was this guy, ok, and, he was so different, he was weird in a very attractive way.  Everything he does just captivate me all the time, even when he was angry at me I still find him attractive in that sad kind of obsess way, and he was so cute and his was everything I would have wished for in my life… and sadly I thought we had a connection (haha). As much as I would want to let all those feelings out, haha, it is still a task that is hard for me to do because if I were to write everything about how I felt about that person, it would be an essay. To be honest, I did write it down, and it actually went up to like full 17-pages A4 ‘confession?’ letter. Yeah, that happened… And of course, like everything, and everyone: that person left, in the most cliche way that even saying it is cliche is cliche if you just said “what”… same.

So here I am, I told you that I’m so confident… Eto, ahhmm, wait…. Hahahaha.

……………Yep, that happened. This person, me, who was left behind, was so… so… so sad. Wow, such narration. I was so lonely I wanna kill myself, but I did not because I am too beautiful to die. Je plaisante, I was never suicidal, per say, just that I want to emphasize that I was so upset and messed up crazy that the whole sem became a giant shit, like-when-you-step-on-a-banana-peel-and-you-slip-and-you-landed face-first-on-a-giant-smelly-shit bad.

……………Everything I had said so far began before the semester started, and that is why when the semester started though I tried to be, with a tear on my eye, positive about it, first things first, it hit me so hard like a giant fist, against my– nope– eyes. [i remember on the first day of the semester, i have a 3 hour break, and what i did was ride a Toki for 3 hours straight, around the whole university, just because i have that feeling that i will cry on the next period if i didn’t push those emotions away; imagine coming fresh to the semester with a broken heart. not a good experience.] To start, I was not able to get this one class and so to accommodate with that situation, I had to cancel all my other six class just to be able to get the same class with a different schedule, and it was so frustrating because I have to run from building to building and beg a lot of people just to give me those class that I need, and I looked like an idiot begging for the education that is  not my privilege but my right, people; education is my right; and it is not exactly the best way to start a semester, not to mention I was brokenhearted.

……………And so the semester preceded as usual– shit. Aside from the fact that I was not in my best shape, mentally and emotionally, I also could not find the aspiration to start studying all that information I need to get inside my head and , woah, on retrospect thank God it’ was over, and if you are wondering, my grades sucks. It was, without doubt, the hardest semester yet since I started college. And my God, probably if I was in my best shape, things would be different. Pro-tip, never get a Monday class if you can.

……………The semester started and ended as usual, me, alone, and boring, exactly just like this post. But perhaps if there is anything worth telling about all of those stuff, it seemed like I actually quite learned a lot after all.

……………First thing, acceptance, because that was what these last months were all about. Acceptance is me admitting that, yes I fell in love, and yes my heart got broken and all that stuff. But you know what, that is just the way life is. You got to try, and sometimes you are going to fall, and you will fail. But so what? The thing is if you stop on your track just because of that, you are going to get nowhere, gurl. You are going to be stuck in that moment, just trying to relieve everything over and over and over and over and over and over again, going all over on the where-the-fuck-have-i-gone-wrong to those was-i-merely-imagining-all-those-stuff-i-thought-we-had-a-connection-bruh-what-happened moments. What I was doing was trying to forget I even loved him and it is hard. ~Forgetting him is like trying to know somebody you never met, seriously. But you know what, the reason I find doing all those forgetting about him stuff hard is because I did not accept the fact that I am just a human being capable of doing wrong and being mistaken sometimes. And the thing is, I don’t know, I just don’t hate him anymore as much as I do these past months because of that (acceptance).

……………Second thing I learn is that sometimes you don’t need to be with somebody to be happy. If you know me, you know that I always surround myself with people. However these past months, and because of my eccentric schedule, I was not able to have regular people to surround myself with: I was all by myself. At first, of course, I was scared and bored, per say. I was anxious the people would look at me walking alone in the streets and they would whisper to themselves and laugh. But actually, little by little, I actually grew to love being alone. My god, being alone is fantastic because I no longer have to deal with the adjusting myself and my time and everything for anyone, besides who the heck cares about other people’s opinion [also, being alone means you does not have to pretend you actually care about that friend your friend has whom he brought along to eat with you]. I can make my own decision and eat whatever I want wherever I want without needing to ask for consensus regarding any single thing first. And so I find it soooo fine, in fact I actually I have just watch Pirates of the Caribbean and Wonder Woman alone, yesterday. I find the joy in being alone and I just realized how much of an introvert person I am all these time, and yeah [if you know me, you know i’m not an introvert, so i thought!]. Those moments of being alone sure do a lot on contemplating yourself and discovering who you are, who you really are behind everything, and to sum it all: it was terrific!

……………Lastly, and perhaps what I really want to emphasize at this point is that you do not owe your happiness to anyone. You deserve to be happy, and you are worthy of being happy.  There is absolutely nothing wrong with who you are, and that sometimes things just does not always go the way we want them to be.

……………So after having to organized my thoughts using all the time that I have and having to go through all through that stuff in life and stressing about it a lot, and trust me when I said a lot– I really mean a LOT, you know what I learn is that I will not change a thing. Yeah, I will just go with what I am now, with who am I am right now and continue being me. Because this self, this is more than a facade or a mask I wear to impress anyone, or pretend to be anything that is not me. This face, as I have come to realize, is me, and that whether I like it or not, this is the me– the real me, and you know what, I actually love who I am. I really do. After all these times, I realize that nothing is wrong who I am. As I have said, sometimes things just does not go the way we want them to be, and there is absolutely nothing wrong about it. It is okay to fall sometimes, it is okay to fail sometimes, what is not okay, however, is not to learn anything from those mistakes. I have learned that hope is stronger than fear, and that if I will stop loving and being happy just because I did not make it at first then I will be forever stuck in that limbo of nowhere and nowhere to go, never knowing who am I, who the real me is. And the real me says,

I loved him, but I love myself more.

After looking inwards, I find out what I needed to do with my life is to dive and take that leap of faith. In order to live, we must always keep daring. Dive.

Love lots 🙂



-a/n: if you watch supergirl, some of the last sentences were inspired by Cat Grant xoxo~

-a/n: oh yeah, i forgot to mention… these things were actually events that happened months ago, just too lazy to actually write it down that is why it is so late. yeah, those creeping feelings were already gone ahahaha, hm. regarding my latest extravaganza, i guess i’ll have to post a separate post about it later in life hahaha, (i was laughing so hard i almost pour coffee on my keyboard). so yeah

– a/n: (7/15/2017) so ayern, i don’t really proofread a lot before i post anything on this blog sooow yas, i saw one error “to organized” ghad and i’m sure marami pa dyan; je suis beacoup desolee 😛 well ganern telega




10 years bruh

Irreplaceable, Misery Business, Big Girls Don’t Cry, Welcome to the Black Parade, Beautiful Girls, Face Down

Seriously? These are like my jam.

I actually have all these songs on my playlist

Am I really that olddd~

The thing about these songs is that, I have tons of memories associated with each and everyone of them

When I was young, actually 10 years ago

I was around 6 that time, perhaps

I have the best squad around hahaha

You know the games

And oh the memories,

I have the best childhood with these people

Sometimes we stayed up till 2:00 am playing hide and seek

And it just feels so amazing, we would be hiding for an hour on a spot

We would circumvent a whole area just to get pass IT

And urggh

But well, suddenly people just started leaving for another country

We who were left started high school

And everyone simply changed

I changed

And 😥

They were times when we would see each other

Look one another in the eye

And you know that spark of memory, you both know but just kept it there

Like a cage memory waiting to be sparked but you simply told it to be quiet

It’s just


In our lives, tons of people will come and go

Some memories will stay for a long time

But some memories will stay for a life time

Now I’m wondering what if I’m the only one who remembers all these memories 😥

I surely hope not


Can I just say,


(nag s-spazz lang talaga ako, imbis na nag a-aral ng Anal C.)

(re/edit: hahahaha mukha raw scientific name yung Anal C. from there ^^  –> Anal sp. C.)

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myghadddddddddddddd agdfgsdfgdf ahhhhhhhhh omaygad

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Me at the moment