NkNk

Anu ba naman yan

Nagkita na naman tayo sa AS walk kanina

Hoy ikaw, Nrga ka

Pwede ba ha

Pwede bang galing-galingan mo namang magtago?

Alam mo namang hinahanap kita

MBB to CAL to MBB lang yung class ko

Pero napupunta pa ako sa AS

Nilalakad ko pa yung AS -> AS Walk -> AS Lobby

Kasi hinahanap kita

Tapus andyan ka lang

Ni hindi ka man lang nag-effort magtago

Pwede ba ha

Respeto naman kuya

Tago-tago ka rin sana pag may time

Alam mo namang todo porma pa ako tuwing WF

Nagpapabango pa ako

Kasi alam kong baka makita kita

Tapus makikita nga kita

Pwede ba talaga ha kung pwede lang talaga please lang

Please lang maawa ka sa puso ko please lang talaga wag kang ganyan

-_-

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He doesn’t love me, so I tell myself

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH OMG Y IS THIS POST SO ACCURATE

Literally me (especially last Friday) every time I wanted to call him, be his friend again, and let him in to my life once more

Walking

I remember my last oral exam in French 10

By the folded piece of paper that I got on random

Mademoiselle Cao asked what my favorite place in QC was

My favorite place in QC is the UP Acad Oval

But I did not tell her that because I didn’t know Acad Oval en francais

So I just made up some crappy narrative blah blah

I still get an uno tho 😛

Sadly the subject is not part of our curriculum so it won’t really be reflected on my GWA, enjoyed it tho

MYYYYYYYY point is,

My favorite place in QC… or in UP is the Acad Oval

I just get that sense of ease whenever I walk the oval

It has become part of my coping mechanism

When I’m happy, I walk

When I’m bored, I walk

When I’m sad, I walk

Which reminds me of that time around January this year,

When I saw/nakasalubong him with that petty/chaka girl in A2 when I was about to grab dinner

And so instead of having dinner, and instead of simply walking back to Kalay (my dorm)

I headed straight to the oval

And started crying

I remember people looking at me crying

I was a mess back then, I was crying and I’m not even stopping it

As I walk

Shits flowing out of my nose

Tears down my eyes

I was sobbing so loud that I may even looked like crazy

Luckily two of my friends also happen to be in the Oval that night

So yeah

Point is, I really like to walk

For example, now

I don’t really know what to feel

I saw him again after so long this afternoon (saw him last Wed as well)

And I don’t know

Though ye, he’s always there at the back of my mind

The first thing in my mind the moment I wake up every single day

Ok, I’m admitting that

But at least I could control it before

Now, after seeing him, it’s just

You know the repressed emotions just flows like

Eh

I don’t know what to do with all these emotions

My heart is telling me to unblock him on FB, chat him, meet up, catch up, that stuff

Eh

So what did I do

Instead of doing that,

and risk getting hurt AGAIN o god it’s been like a year and it still hurts

What I did was

I walk

I walk the emotions away

Well  not technically walk it away

Walking for me is a technique or a way to reorganize my thoughts

I like being alone, being alone gives me clarity of thought

And when I walk, usually I’m alone so I really have a lot of time to think

I walk round the oval for like 3 hours? Around 6-7 revolution I lose count

But yeah

At least now I’m feeling better

I’m feeling enthusiastic for some reason

I’m channeling that into writing right now

And yea, I have managed to use that time walking to conceptualize

What I am going to write for my paper in Fil 40 and I think it’ll be great

So yeah,

Oh it’s what you do to me, N ♪

Aw I could finally listen to this song again, I can’t for like 1 year


a/n: can anyone listen to this song omg so nicesuuu~ i like

.

a/n2: and syempre since na ungkat din naman siya, sinearch ko na rin siya. saks lang naman, hindi naman stalker-ish. hm. yeah, stalker nga. pero hm ano. weird. fun fact, sketchy yung google, like if tinype mo yung name mo sa google if uncommon yung name mo especially (which I like) is ang unang lalabas is your face like @_@ (buti iba-iba yung ginagamit kong name sa acads, sa social, and sa online) sketch lang kasi tapus nandun lahat ng stuff na nilike mo or na mention yung name mo like @_@ ene. so ayern. anyways so ayon, sinearch ko nga, tapus lumabas yung mga keme and stuff, mga things na pinagagawa niya the past months, yeah. aw. syempre nasaktan ako like masakit na masakit lang ewan basta ayokong maging specific syempre e.g. bukas na sugat na binuhas ng alcohol. yeah, di ako oa, nasasaktan talaga ako about literally everything about this person. ewan a low grade can’t tear me like this. ain’t even nobody can scare me like this person. ewan. ako ang pinaka assertive at walang hiyang taong kilala ko, like kaya kong harapin whether professionally or palengkara-lly kahit sino man without losing my poise, pero omg, sa taong to– wala. wala akong binatbat. nganga. ewan. kainis. kainis. so yeah, like seriously? you like that woman who can’t even write shit; even a preschooler could narrate better (reading the org newspaper; sketchy ako diba). so ayon. magkatabi pa kainis. yawa.

a/n3: can i just say ang dami kong time hahahaha tinatawanan ko sarili nakakastress parang wala akong kailangang basahing 200 pages ng griffiths and 50 more ng alberts and parang wala akong lab duties bukas na magpakain ng daga by 8:00 am like -_- waw koya. anyways naisip ko lang, dahil masyado kong kinulong ang sarili ko sa social bubble ko at ayun na yon + “focus” na sa acads, wala pala akong na build up na social life in college aside from my lab and blockmates (and sila rin naman-ish aside sa mga MBBSoc people) pero yeah. I dk if naiinggit lang ako sa mga social sciences and other stuff peoples kasi marami silang picture with keme or talagang normal lang sa sciences maging solitude within one’s own field of study hm hay the commitment to science is real pero yeah ewan is that a good thing. god give me someone to discuss things with.
p.s. sikat naman ako sa mga kaklase ko (sa non-major subjects ko) kasi highest all lagi 😛 pak na pak, highest ako sa Fil 40 & Bio 180 na inaaral ko lang both 30 mins before time period pero alam ko rin namang never na akong mag susumma dahil sa grades ko nung 2nd year. pero well idk hahaha well ok sige na nga i’m weighing myself vs. dun nga kasi kay ate so ayon syempre bias ako sa sarili ko and stuff cuz but if there’s anything i learned being a science major, it is to always consider every. single. fucking thing. no matter how irrelevant it seems and rationalize on it to optimize the experimental yield; the yield being my love life ofc, in this case, but not always, career-oriented din naman ako pero ewan hahaha ako talaga mas pak sorreh ate hahaha char i don’t really know you. funny and sorry na nasasabihan kitang slut pok pok malande whore atbp on my moody and impulsive emotional nature hahaha on my rational side naman, i know na nadamay ka lang. idk, maybe for all i know you’re amazing nga talaga with colors and rainbows and sparkles and shit like he said ewan. hay whatever

Ilium

Ok, so I headed out with this friend of mine for dinner today

And we happen to talk about this certain person

We both are kind of acquainted

Perhaps in our own different way

.

Ok, so I met this guy about 2 years and a few days ago

My first impression of him was

He is that kind of person who I will never get tired to have a conversation with; he was so interesting

You know like arguments everyday (the intellectual kind), just my kind of thing

.

We kinda became friends

Kinda, and he also called me his frenemy for some reason

Though we never really get to the point where we became that close

But still, or at least for my part, I would not deny that we kinda share at least some history together

.

Hm, I remember this first few weeks

When I was in my first year college,

Around 2 weeks after the start of the semester

There was a misting in the dormitory, we had to leave

.

It was breakfast~lunch time

I remember being invited by a common friend

To have brunch (Breakfast/Lunch) in Philcoa Jobi, with you and N and ate H

I can even remember the very seat from where we sat i was looking at it earlier; trying to relieve the memory

.

Ok, I’m going to be straight forward

I already, perhaps, was already into him

The moment I met him

I don’t know, I just knew he was different and I happen to fall for people I really like the first time I met them, my kind of thing; i never really have a crush that have developed from a friendship — all my crushes, at least once every blue moon (1 in high school; 2 in college) we all L@FS, so ye that’s my thing

.

I remember the first time I saw him,

I was from a class going back to my room

In the hallway, he was there standing with N

He looked at me and offered a friendly gesture and introduce himself

.

On hindsight, and at least knowing him a little bit better than before

It was hard to imagine him initiating conversation with a stranger

Worse, an introduction

Hahaha, I can’t stop smiling at the thought

.

I remember that time in Philcoa

I told a knock-knock joke about his name

In a song by Pink Try

I didn’t make you laugh, but my hope didn’t faltered

.

I remember that time where you accompanied us

On our org buddy date

All along, I was thinking it was ours instead

Why do you even bother coming along anyways

.

I remember getting at least a little bit closer with you

There was this talk we attended back then

I’m not sure if I sat beside you or you sat beside me

LSShort, you are crazy -_-

.

You tried to put a crumpled scratch paper inside my shirt

And accidentally scratch me bleeding in the process

I didn’t mind,

I thought you are being funny

.

I remember that post-it message you put by my door

And I remember how I responded with that message

At the time, I was hoping all along

Perhaps even up to now, considering after all these times I still have these green post-its with me, hidden safe

.

I remember finding ways to try and get close to you

I remember making common friends

And common enemies with people you are linked with ehem V

I remember sending confession letters on TKF about you

.

I remember the feeling as I fell deeper and deeper into your spell

If you think I’m pathetic for that, in my defense I was 15 and it was my first year in college

And you are not half-bad anyways, so

I thought maybe…

.

But I don’t know

I think I may have done something bad?

I think maybe it was just my imagination all along?

You kinda… become distant

.

I think maybe because I was being too pushy

Maybe you never were into me

And of course you are not

Who would have liked someone like me anyways

.

But still that does not discourage me from chasing after you

Ok, it was crazy

I remember being so persistent when it comes with you

I remember trying to catch your attention with all the arguments I try to make

.

I try to get your attention by initiating desperate arguments

That on hindsight was so pathetic, even for me

But still, I was on a trance that time

I didn’t know half  of all the thing I may have been doing

.

And you simply were becoming distant from me

I tried sending messages

Which of course you barely even notice

I think I was just being too desperate around this time

.

And so after the first semester comes… him

I fell for him the exact same time I fell for you

Ok, that may sound weird or batshit crazy or what

But I did, and that happened, and it’s that truth

.

At first, I thought I was I would only use him to try and get your attention

Which of course, turns out to be a total disaster

You see, over the course of the second semester

I have started falling for him as well

.

Mahirap ma mangka sa dalawang halaman

.

He was nice and so warm

Whereas you have started becoming distant and cold

Though I may have liked and pursued you earlier,

Around this time I have started focusing my attention on him

.

Of course, common friends started to accumulate

And we soon find ourselves on a little group of friends

To be honest, being with you guys were one of the best, or perhaps still the best moments of my college life

And I would have trade anything to turn back time and correct whatever shit I may have made

.

I remember that night clearly

I remember not choosing to buy that red polo

Because I know most probably you would wear red

You did, as I know you will

.

I remember looking at you that night

I remember sitting beside you that night

I remember imagine myself holding your hands that night

I remember that night was the happiest night of my life

.

I remember jokingly asking you to give me a present for my birthday

Never did I know that you actually bought one

And that made me so happy

So happy that I still kept that bookmark in my favorite book by my shelf

.

I remember thinking the utopia would never end

I remember imagining the future with you, or with him

Or both?! (menage a trois)

In my defense, I was 16

.

But well,

Perhaps somethings simply ain’t meant to last forever

Perhaps some people simply are meant to stay in our hearts

But not too long in our life

.

I won’t deny

I may have done terrible things that may have caused you anger

You may think that I was always trying to have fight with you

You may think of me as that annoying little chanak who always walk around the corridor

.

But perhaps, the truth is

I did all of that because…

Because perhaps I want your attention

I never want to have fight with you

.

You, of all the people, in the world

I thought would understand the thirst for knowledge

And for someone who could understand that same craving

And try to help each other’s out

.

You are a very intelligent person

No doubt

.

I heard that you are angry with me

Though I really wanted to ask you for a very very long time

The reason why

I simply can’t get the will to do so

.

I know that you hated me even from the beginning

I guess you simply never liked me

And as I said, I can’t really blame you for that

I don’t quite actually really like myself that much as well

.

But please just understand that,

Even if I know that that’s the way you feel about me

I never even once considered reciprocating back the hate to you

I just can’t

.

Even after you shattered my heart to million pieces

By betraying my trust (or simply confirming my guess?)

I never even have at least a thought

To say mean words back at you, or even supplant hatred for my own satisfaction

.

I don’t know, I guess I simply know too much pain

That I could almost always immediately understand one

Just from plain sight

And I admire you for standing up despite all of that

.

I just want to tell you that though you may have cause me to cry

At least perhaps a total of six or eight times

My belief in you as a person

Never faltered

.

I know and I want to believe that deep down

You are genuinely good in your intentions and ambitions

And I may have grown to love you because of that

I hope you realize you’re a wonderful person because you are

.

Please never ever think of ;.

You are a wonderful person

That I may have not the time to  say that in front of you

I just really hope that one day you realize just how precious of a person you truly are

 

I hope the day would come where you’ll forgive me for whatever

As I did to you

I hope one day we could be someone who could look into each other’s eyes again without any desire to kill

And I hope the day would come where you’ll stop turning off the water while I am showering pls lang

.

I hope the day would come

Where you’ll truly be happy

Where you’ll met someone better; someone you rightfully deserve and need

That would complete and mend your heart throughout

.

I hope you find happiness along the way

Even though I won’t be in that picture

I hope you the best in your life

And I know you still have a lot of goals you wish you achieve along the way

 

I hope you attain your dreams

And I hope you really become a lawyer (do you still want to be one? i’m kinda outdated about you… so)

I hope you’ll find ease and content in your life

I just want to see you happy and I hope you do

Ayun lang butaqué


Hi! You’re still there, I can’t really express my emotions using words so much without music, so… if you wouldn’t mind, can you play Lost Boy by Ruth B. ^_^

a/n: as always, i posted this thing w/o proofreading, and yeah i made tons of grmm mistakes. but i. don’t. give. a. fuck. language, much like science, is very much like water. it is dynamic and it flows; and as it does, it changes and modifies itself to accommodate the need of the user. my point is fuck you prescriptivists, and grammar nazis, and your close-minded traditional beliefs.

Time

I’ve been in the same dormitory for the last three years

And of course,

I have built tons of memories in this place

Most of which I really want to forget

.

But somehow I keep crawling and creeping

to those edges and corners

And I find myself relieving the memories of all those times

And I hate it.

.

I hate the feeling of myself

Relieving all these memories, making me sad and distraught (I’m very melancholic and nostalgic & I tend to remember memories that made me feel extreme emotions with crystal clarity)

I hate to admit that I may be remembering these memories…

all by myself

.

I don’t want to say alone,

I hate that word

But finding myself walking past that hallway, closing my eyes, and playing all those memories back over and over again

Says otherwise

.

I hate to admit that tracing it all back together

Perhaps and maybe, I was the actual cause of that whatever turn that may have had happened

But still

I can’t get myself to simply forgot all of these

.

I don’t want to say that I still care

Because I don’t want to look weak in front of the people that may have hurt my feelings

And I don’t want to say that I have already forgiven them and myself for all of that

Because I don’t want them to think that I still care

I do, but that’s another story

.

I don’t know,

I want to say that I really wanted to forget

That I want to move on, that I wanted to find peace

But saying this, while holding this picture frame really, really, says otherwise

.

I no longer feel the emotion of crying

I have long ago dried my ducts

I simply feel… sad

I just wanted an end, so I could find new beginnings

.

I am tired of pretending that I am alright

Because I am not

I am tired of playing this little game

I know I can never win

.

I know I needed to quit

I know I needed a new place to start

I know how bad I am at doing things over and over again

Perhaps I needed to be elsewhere

.

Do I apply for an internship abroad, I don’t know

But I know that I needed to be somewhere else, perhaps

I think I will once again do the thing I do all the time

Run…

GoT S7 Finale

It is just me or GoT S7 Finale really blows up all our minds, especially

When we all thought Sansa is just a pawn of Littlefinger…

Untitled-1.jpg

Never been so happy to be wrong

Or when Jon Snow Aegon Targaryen had sex with his aunt

Untitled

And why is Tyrion watching them in the shadows?

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Question, if Jon… I mean Aegon and Daenerys have a child,

Would the child call Aegon cousin, or dad?

 

 

Regarding Night King’s trump card on the other hand…
Untitled.png

 

Yep.

I need Season 8.

Now.

Perpetual

 

I remember watching this short movie perhaps a year ago, or the year before that

This was a clip I simply happen to stumble upon on my search for soft core pornography way back

When I was still young, hormonal, and naive.

But looking at it now,

I realize that each and everyone of us is

Or have been Sebastian

 

Sebastian represents the innocent yet curious nature inside all of us

Sebastian is you in your most primal urges

Sebastian is you in your most private moments

Sebastian is you inside that hell

Surrounded by demons

Trying to find your Angel,

Who you thought would save
and complete you

From that void you feel inside yourself

 

Sebastian is you trying to find that someone you thought could fill your gaps

Someone that could quench the thirst

 

Often in this state, we are at our most irrational

And when we let the call of carnal pleasure dictate our actions

We are at the most vulnerable

At the most risk

Of being fooled

Of being infected

Of being damaged

Of being tainted

And being turned.